The Hula Hoop concept came into my experience while sitting in an Al-Anon meeting. I had a specific reason for going to Al-Anon. My intent for being there was to understand addiction and other people. What I soon realized is that I was there to learn more about myself.

I forget how many meetings I have attended, more than some people, not as many as others. One thing I can claim is that I came away from each gathering with a new tool to incorporate into my life. The idea that resonated with me and is now an integral part of my everyday life is the hula hoop concept. I was invited to embrace what was shared at these meetings by the closing address each time. The closing of the Al-Anon meetings I have attended goes something like this:

"The thoughts and comments shared tonight are the opinions of whoever shared them. What you heard here, let it stay here. Take what works for you and leave the rest". In other words, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. You don't have to share the person's view or even agree with it. We were also encouraged to protect the anonymity of meeting attendees and what they contributed. Thoughts and ideas that appealed or spoke to you. Keep them, save them, and use them for your own best good. Leave the ideas behind that didn't appeal to you. I invite you to use the same discernment with this blog post.

The hula hoop tool resonated hugely with me. It made perfect sense and empowered me, almost begging me to incorporate it into all aspects of my life. The concept is not so much a concept, as an analogy, a straightforward way to visualize the areas in your life that need work. Let me explain further.

An average-sized hula hoop is between 38 and 42 inches across its widest point. Here's the visual part or not so visual. These hula hoops are tangible. It doesn't require much imagination for this.

· Take your hula hoop

· Set it on the floor in front of you

· Now step inside it

What is inside the borders of the hula hoop? You are.

The concept shared in Al-Anon is that whatever is inside that hula hoop, you have control over. All of the feelings, actions, reactions, decisions, and personal improvements are yours, and only yours. The person inside the hula hoop is the one you can make changes for, choose different people to be around, and help create new goals. You have ultimate control over everything inside your hula hoop.

Now envision everyone else in your life, your adult children, parents, siblings, other family members, friends, co-workers, life partner, etc. They have a hula hoop too. Who is responsible for what's in their hula hoop? You guessed it, they are.

Your hula hoop is your responsibility. Their hula hoop is theirs. It's not your job to take care of what's inside anyone else's hula hoop. That's their job. You have a responsibility to the hula hoops around you, but it's not to jump in and fix anything.

Your responsibilities to the hula hoop of others can be complicated, or you can simplify with these easy steps:

Support - We can be supportive of how others choose to handle their situations in life. We may not understand how people decide to work through things, but it is ultimately their choice. Being supportive remains our obligation to them.

Encouragement - It is so beneficial to have encouragement as we go through life, especially during particularly difficult events. Encourage others to make wise choices and focus on progress. And then let go of the expectation for a particular outcome. Remember, it's their hula hoop, not yours.

Love - It's our job to love other people as they travel through life. Life can sometimes be challenging, and a little extra show of love feels good. I'm not talking about romantic love or the love you have for your children. The love I'm talking about is more of an acknowledgment that we are all born on this earth to learn, grow, and make progress in life. Showing love to your fellow man is Namaste' - the light in me sees the light in you, may we all continue on our life journey with grace.

Faith -We must have a little faith and trust everyone around us with their hula hoop. They may approach life's decisions differently than we would, and that's okay. Having the freedom to make our own choices is one of the gifts that make the experience of life so unique. Trust the individual to take care of their hula hoop. Trust that they know what is best for them. Trust that your hula hoop needs your attention and leave their hula hoop in their hands, whether you think they are capable of taking care of their hula hoop or not.

Sometimes it's difficult to be diligently working to improve things inside our hula hoop and watch what's happening in the hoop of another. We can see from the outside looking in, improvements that appear obvious as potential changes. If you practice showing Support, Encouragement, Love, and Faith, where everyone else's hula hoop is concerned, you have now given yourself the gift of SELF to work on healing within your hula hoop while allowing others to do the same. If you didn't create the situation and it's not yours to fix, it doesn't belong in your hula hoop.

I am grateful for this fantastic, simple tool that arrived in my experience. I use it regularly in all areas of my life. It has become a tool that has absolutely nothing to do with why I went to Al-Anon in the first place.

Note about Al-Anon: Al-Anon is the 12 step program support group for individuals with alcoholism in their circle of friends or a family member. There is no quiz on why you are there, or what life event led you to your first meeting. It's all about you and what you need to get your life gathered back up and start thriving again.





13 views0 comments

Today is Thursday. It’s a workday. After working for a few hours and feeling like I wasn’t accomplishing anything, I permitted myself to go on a lunch date with myself. The permission included being present at lunch. I opted to have a meal at one of my favorite restaurants, distraction-free. By that, I mean, unplugged and being in the moment with myself.

A few years ago, this would have been an uncomfortable prospect for me. I wasn’t all that comfortable in my own skin, nor was I excited about being present on purpose. These days, it’s different.

When I’m dining out, I make my food and beverage choices reasonably quickly. I read the menu until I find something that sounds good, and then I stop reading and order my food. I’m not sure when I developed this simplified version of choosing what to eat off a menu but, it works well for me.

My beverage of choice was Stewart’s Root Beer. It came in a bottle, so I had the pleasure of pouring it over ice, watching the bubbles foam up, and smelling it. The scent transported me back in time to family gatherings with homemade root beer. This reminiscing evokes many wonderful childhood memories, such as eating the root beer slush out of the top of the cooler used in the brewing process.

Next came my homestyle meal on a nostalgic blue and white floral plate. I don’t remember ever having dinner on a pretty plate there before. I looked around at other tables. Nobody else was eating on a dinner plate that could have come from their grandmother’s china cabinet. The beautiful plate added another level of joy to my lunchtime adventure. The food was terrific. I enjoyed the colorful array with flavors that blended well. I savored every bite. I refrained from taking a picture of my plate. That would have broken my unplugged lunch rules.

While I ate, I gazed out the window, noticing the changing colors of nature in trees on the distant mountainside. I also observed people at the tables around me. I enjoyed listening to laughter and conversations. That level of social interaction was enough to feed this introvert’s soul. I rarely need to be in the middle of things; just being on the outskirts in observance is enough.

I’m grateful for quality time with myself and the ability I have cultivated to be content with stillness. I think I’ll take myself on a lunch date every Thursday.




8 views0 comments

Accepting Accountability

As I began my healing journey, I spent a great deal of time looking for quick ways to heal. Healing is not instantaneous. It is ongoing, labor-intensive, and at times excruciating. The first change I had to make was accepting accountability for my life, the choices I was making, and some of the people I was spending time with. I also had to come to terms with the realization that it was nobody else's job to make me happy. It was my job to make myself happy. Becoming accountable, I could create the changes I wanted to make. I learned to accept that I was bringing more adversity into my life by complaining, being ungrateful, and requiring changes in others to suit my expectations.


Make a commitment to Focus on You. Saying yes to you is the first step in creating a healing foundation for yourself. One of the first ways we fail at this is by making the excuse that it is selfish to focus on ourselves. You bet it is. Let's be self-ish in useful and creative ways.

Choosing to commit to you is the first step to take in creating the life you desire and putting your thoughts of change into action. Most of us have a struggle with committing to ourselves, and we have many excuses. Do any of these sound familiar?

· It's selfish to focus on me.

· I'm too busy.

· I was taught to live this way.

· When ________ happens, then I'll be happy.

· I'm not worth the effort.

· My __________ won't be comfortable if I change.

Bogus. Hogwash. Crap. Excuses.

Stop worrying about what other people are going to think of how you decide to heal your life. The people who love you are going to enjoy watching and helping you heal. Those that criticize and judge need to spend some internal time on themselves and go inside for their answers.

Making a commitment to yourself doesn't mean all your changes have to be made at once. It means you are acknowledging there are things in your life that you have a desire to do differently. As complicated humans, we tend to over-think words like commitment.

Let's simplify commitment to: "There are things in my life that I choose to change."

It's okay if you don't know what all the changes are going to be. You can't foresee the future, but you can begin today, making one small change at a time to create the foundation you need to continue your healing processes.







14 views0 comments